Tag: wedding prep

Less Than Smart

Less Than Smart

by Andria Kennedy ♥ 0 Leave a Comment
Explosion
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Have you ever watched wedding shows and laughed at the couples for their decisions? Do you think you could make better choices? That you’re smart enough to plan things differently and avoid certain pitfalls or mistakes? Maybe you’re in the middle of planning a wedding right now, and you have notebooks and binders full of lists, diagrams, tabs, and contingencies (not a bad idea given the current Apocalypse situation the world finds itself in). You and your potential spouse are intelligent, and you’re determined to prove yourselves smarter than all of those people.

Been there, done that – failed epically.

Our wedding was November 14th. And while I will admit the ceremony and reception went off without a hitch (okay, tiny hitch – he forgot his vows downstairs and had to run down to get them), everything leading up to those hours? Colossal disaster. And definitely not in any of the notebooks or plans. Which came as a complete shock because we were those people: convinced we were smarter than everyone else out there and capable of defeating the wedding misery bug. We’d laughed at so many people, taken so many notes, anticipated so many potential problems. We honestly thought we’d prepared for the worst – and that includes the Zombie Apocalypse.

No matter what you do or how much you think you’re ready, you can NEVER out-smart a wedding disaster. No one, it turns out, is that smart. Things you never thought of or anticipated WILL go wrong, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. (Well – cry; you can cry. A lot) We learned that the hard way – over and over the entire week before that ceremony. And the irony is everyone chose to tell us that – the DAY OF.

We thought we’d found the answer to avoiding stress – even in the face of increasing COVID-19 numbers. I mean, there was stress leading up to the week of the wedding, and I’m surprised I wasn’t bald, but we assumed that was normal. It was all going to be worth it, though, to have everything locked down and in place. Our planning was going to pay off and allow us to settle down and find relaxation. I mean, how many people have a week to get ready for their wedding day? It was brilliant.

In theory…on paper…

Our first stress-free day happened when we got home – three days AFTER the wedding. When there was just the two of us and the FurKids. (And, considering we were looking at leftover food stuffed into our fridge, there was some lingering stress) Our sheer “brilliance” found us stressed out, miserable, and regretting the decision to HAVE a wedding the remainder of the week. (Please note: WEDDING, not marriage) And there were notebooks, binders, lists – the whole shebang. We were SO intelligent.

You can’t plan for everything – no matter how hard you try. NO ONE is smart enough to pull off perfection (and anyone who claims so is lying through their teeth). Things WILL go wrong (sometimes spectacularly), and you have to let them. A horrible thing for a perfectionist to admit (and accept), but it’s the truth.

Did the ceremony involve laughter? Yeah – not always where I thought it would, but yeah. (I knew I should have made someone ask him to check for those vows) Were there tears? Yes – but they were the ones I’d hoped for. Did the music changes happen properly? Nope – but it was okay.

Did we get to eat at the reception? Damn straight. (Even if it wasn’t much since I felt sick after the preceding week of hell) Were we so happy to see friends we haven’t seen in ages? You better believe it – even if it was behind masks. Was I bummed the music ended up overrun? Yeah – I worked hard on that playlist. Did it break my heart to see people leave? Of course – I have no idea when I’ll get to see them again.

Will I ever do this again?

Not on your fucking life.

Weddings are a living nightmare – the people who tell you that aren’t lying. There’s nothing wrong with the Justice of the Peace. Given a second chance, I’d skip it. Correction, I don’t want to skip seeing the people I haven’t, but the other stuff? Yeah – out the door. It wasn’t worth it.

You can’t plan for everything, no matter how smart you think you are. I wish I could sit here and tell you differently (that was the original plan). Chaos theory works. If you can accept that, then have at it.

Final Countdown

Final Countdown

by Andria Kennedy ♥ 0 Leave a Comment
Wedding Prep Items: Gift Box and Program

Our wedding’s roughly a month away. I’m not exactly sure when that happened. Final payments have been paid. We have our guest total. The decorations are finished and tucked away in plastic totes for transfer to the beach house. (After we realized we only ought two owls last year – complete and utter brain fart) We even have the favors assembled and in the plastic totes, ready to go. There are still a few stray tasks left on the calendar (my fiance’s vows, which I know he hasn’t written despite several months of badgering), but we’re in the final homestretch. Custom (or is it tradition? Maybe obligation?) states I should be excited or at least nervous by now.

I’m not, though.

I’m tired, which I think I’m entitled to at this point. Other than the few tasks I’ve placed on my fiance’s task (Kuiil goes on top of them – our private joke), I’ve handled the bulk of the work. You can translate that to the majority of the stress. (Okay, I was going to shoulder the stress, no matter what – it’s what I do) I’m allowed to feel tired. I knew how much work was going to be involved; that never frightened me. I’m a dedicated worker, after all. Feeling tired is a badge of honor. It means I survived the process intact. More to the point, so did everyone else. (And, believe me, there’s a list of people who came close to funerals)

I think the problem is I’m more upset than excited; more disappointed than anticipatory. I knew back in March that things weren’t going to fall out as planned, but there’s a difference between theoretical thought and reality. Talking yourself through worst-case scenarios A-Z differs from watching them come to fruition. Eventually, you run out of internal pep talks, and they become mechanical recordings on auto-repeat.

And then the guilty side of your brain joins the fracas.

What right do you have to feel bad? Friends aren’t even HAVING weddings this year, and you’re upset yours isn’t turning out the way you thought? No one’s wedding is approaching “normal” this year – get over it. (As if the words “get over it” have ever actually worked in the history of the phrase) I bury my disappointment in cheer and the phrase, “I understand completely.” Never mind the words stopped having any meaning months ago.

Was stocking up on hand sanitizer and soap part of the original plan? Nope. Did I expect my father to gift us with two digital forehead thermometers to check guests as they enter? Definitely not. Was I planning to spend every day of the week in the house wiping down counters and surfaces with disinfecting wipes? No. Have I confronted all of those things with a gracious smile? Yes.

Do I spend at least ten minutes looking at the stack of RSVP cards sitting on my desk every day? Yeah. (Never mind that there’s no reason to even keep them at this point. The responses are logged in my binder, the preferences are marked in my notebook, and I have the answers burned into my brain) Have I avoided responding to an email because I can’t muster a bright, cheery response even through misinterpretable text? Yes. And does my guilt eat into me every single night? Of course.

So, no I’m not excited.

Probably a terrible thing to say, and I’m sure I’d catch shit about it in normal social circles. Do I have doubts about one aspect of the ceremony or reception? Of course not – I planned everything years ago. We’ve thought through the contingencies and made sure we’ll keep everyone safe. It’s not how things were SUPPOSED to go, but do I have doubts it will be anything less than it should be? Of course not.

But am I excited? No. I’m just tired. Tired and sad. Maybe talk to me in a month and ask me then. My answer may be different then.

Plague Planning

Plague Planning

by Andria Kennedy ♥ 0 Leave a Comment
My wedding planning notebooks

“And your plague policy is…?” With just about three months to go, we find ourselves asking that question more and more often. Not a question I ever anticipated coming out of my mouth. Certainly didn’t expect to utter it behind a mask (a really cute mask, but that’s beside the point). NEVER thought I’d ask the question in regards to my wedding. (Thanks a lot 2020)

In case you couldn’t tell, I’m organized. (Yes, I realize that word isn’t strong enough, but I’ve yet to encounter a word that encapsulates my actual state of mind) I read through every word of my wedding planner, which I bought the same week I got engaged. There weren’t enough tabs to my liking, so I added more (if you can’t find something in the binder, you’re not looking). My Pinterest boards are carefully broken down into every aspect of the wedding. I have white board calendars for tracking appointments, with additional color-coded check boxes for what needs accomplishing. The calendars went up a year prior to the wedding date.

Someone forgot to tell me to plan for PLAGUES.

In all of the advisories, warnings, and extra suggestions, nowhere does it mention pandemics. COVID-19 threw off my schedule, prompted an insert for the invitations, caused me to orchestra Plans B-Z (just in case), and led us to cancel our honeymoon (for the time being). We inserted that plague question into our interviews (once the state reopened and interviews were possible yet again). We recognized that our already small wedding might dwindle to just family. And we learned gratitude for every small business that smiled, laughed, and assured us they understood.

No one expects the plague.

Before, getting my fiance’s suit wouldn’t have been a problem. Now, setting foot in the mall took grit, nerves, and a lot of hand sanitizer. Neither of us have done so in MONTHS. We know people don’t listen to the state order for masks. We have no idea what people do on their own time, if they follow social distancing or not. The number of cases in our area is climbing. Even avoiding the mall proper and sticking to the store in question didn’t make us feel safe. But the suit wasn’t going to buy itself. Something that was supposed to be fun and involve laughter felt akin to a military operation.

(Mission accomplished, by the way)

I watch the days trickle away. I should be excited, and some days I am. Other days, I want to hide. I re-read the inset I wrote for the invitation and imagine everyone declining to attend. I fret over coordinating so many Zoom attendees. I look at the bins under the bed in the guest room, filled with favors and table decorations, and my depression asks why I bothered (not that they’re returnable at this point). I open my binder and look at the confirmed cancellation of our honeymoon cruise.

This virus stole away the joy from the event.

Then I remind myself that the wedding is STILL happening. I’m still marrying the most important person in my life. That cruise will happen eventually. I flip through my list of music to play throughout the ceremony and reception. I think about the beautiful cake and the thought I put into the decorations. I look at the pattern for my dress and all of the accessories. I glance through the images of the beach house and remind myself our families will be there.

What else do I need?

Yeah, COVID-19 sucks. It’s ruined a lot of 2020, and I have no doubt it isn’t finished with all of us. I can either focus on the fact that it made my wedding difficult, or I can choose to look at it that, years from now, I’ll look back and say, “Remember how we got married during the plague?”

One definitely makes for a better story.

Let There be Cake

Let There be Cake

by Andria Kennedy ♥ 1 Comment
Sampling of cake slices
Image by dydona from Pixabay

While there’s controversy behind the quote and the intended message behind it, Marie Antoinette was definitely onto something. When things are going haywire, and you feel like throwing in the towel, few things make you feel better quite like cake. (I’m not advocating eating cake to solve your problems, so don’t fuss at me) Guess what happens to be a part of most weddings?

CAKE!

Even in the insane, crazy times we’re currently living in, most bakeries are still in operation. That means wedding consultations (and, subsequently, wedding cakes) are still possible – a fun fact I learned this month. We put off trying to schedule our consultations until the state started reopening, assuming that consultations were impossible. Turns out, most of these bakeries were smart and found ways to adapt. Since take-out and pick-up have been staples for a lot of restaurants, they followed the same pattern. Pick up your chosen sampling flavors in the morning, and then you could have a phone consultation in the afternoon. Easy as pie…er, cake.

I’ll get to the cake in a minute. What I want to share is the amazing communion with a fellow artist. Now, I can barely get a boxed cake to work, and anything short of smearing frosting is beyond my capability. These bakers took our Pinterest images, pictures of our cake toppers, and our conversations about our wedding theme and ideas and came up with the most amazing designs. It was like watching magic unfold!

The excitement they had for everything, from colors to tiny details, was infectious (the good kind). For that short hour, we forgot what was going on. Forgot we were wearing masks (not everyone wanted phone consultations), forgot we had to ask about their plague policy, forgot everything else that was bothering us. We laughed, we smiled, we imagined our wedding day and what our cake was going to look like. Those awesome people took us out of the mess of the world and gave us a moment of joy.

There aren’t enough thanks for that!

Even the bakeries we elected not to choose (I mean, we only need one cake) – there’s just no way to express the appreciation for the solace granted. An hour’s peace? How do you reward that? It was beyond description. Artists, in every way you can think of to define the word.

And then there was the cake.

The CAKE!

If you aren’t getting married, find someone who is and beg to go to the tasting. Seriously – find a reason to go. I mean, obviously make sure they aren’t going to one star bakeries first, but then beg to go. (Why would you go to a poorly reviewed bakery, though? That’s madness) Now, I’ll admit, some cakes were better than others. But you get to eat cake – in the middle of the day! You’re ENCOURAGED to eat cake! With frosting!

Okay, so you have to share it with your significant other, but…CAKE! It was awesome. We’re having cupcakes along with the cake, so we chose bakeries specializing in cupcakes. That meant getting to split cupcakes between us rather than a piece of cake. So awesome! I mean, the sugar crash wasn’t so great, but I regret nothing. Especially from the bakery we settled on: Twisted Sisters.

Think it can’t get better?

A lot of these small bakeries (we’ve intentionally aimed for as many small businesses as possible) have perks. We’re now enrolled in their loyalty program, which means (once we’ve completely paid for everything) a lot of free cupcakes. How do you beat that?!

So, yeah, things are screwed up in the world right now. But this month I got a few hours to smile. I got a few hours to laugh. I got to eat some amazing cupcakes. And I cannot thank the people involved enough for granting me those hours of mirth, joy, and peace.

Maybe it was their job. Maybe it’s something they do for every couple.

To me, it meant the world.

Wedding Guilt

Wedding Guilt

by Andria Kennedy ♥ 0 Leave a Comment
Our wedding planning calendar for June

In a little under six months – November 14th, to be precise – is our wedding day. It sounds like a lot of time, plenty of time to finish up the details yet to be finalized and checked off the list in the binder currently living on the coffee table shelf. When I first bought the whiteboard calendars and set up a reasonable schedule for tasks, I thought so, too.

Enter COVID-19.

See all of those check boxes at the bottom of June? Yeah, some of those are carryovers from April: tasks we had to bump when doors were slammed shut. While we’ve been able to move some things up and handle them online (where would we be without Etsy?), others require physical visits and shifts in the schedule, waiting for lock-down to lift. Now, being the hyper-organized individual that I am, the schedule was already “early” to account for a fiance’ who hates getting on the phone, talking to people, and has a schedule less flexible than mine. Plus, I come from a military family – you always build in extra time for Murphy’s Law.

So I told myself to breathe and take it easy – there was still time. And, really, we’re doing fine. We had the bulk of the planning done before the New Year, and there are tubs of favors and decorations under the bed in the guest room, all ready to go. Neither of us wanted to stress about the wedding from the beginning, so we made sure we had the game plan laid out from square one (okay, square two – I didn’t scare him with my Pinterest boards until the day after he proposed). We’re okay.

And then I felt like shit.

Why was I feeling okay and relaxing when so many other people were cancelling or rescheduling their weddings? When people were losing money because asshole corporations were flipping them off with a, “Too bad – your contract doesn’t cover plagues” answer? When people were making do with quiet champagne toasts at home – maybe with bouquets left on their porch if friends and neighbors dropped by? (What would the world do if alcohol wasn’t deemed essential?) When people were taking photos with everyone in masks – such a treasured memory? (Now, if you went with the zombie apocalypse theme, I apologize – it worked)

I wanted to crawl into a corner and hide. I was smiling over receiving my beautiful shoes in the mail, laughing over choosing the comics to include in the origami bouquets and boutonnieres, grinning over finally ordering our wedding bands, and shrieking over how adorable our cake toppers were. (Okay, to be fair, those last arrived before lock-down ever started) What kind of person did that when other people were miserable and crying? Who feels excited and plans when other people watch significant dates pass in the rear view mirror? (Our date isn’t significant, in case you wondered)

Oh, right – a bride.

See, I never went to prom. In fact, I’ve never attended a formal event of any kind in my entire life. This wedding is the fanciest thing I’ve got. And a wedding is a one-shot deal. (Don’t quote divorce numbers to me – I know them. I’m an idealist…well, when it comes to marriage. I’m definitely only doing this one). Why shouldn’t I be happy and excited and continue with my planning?

It doesn’t mean I can’t still feel bad and sympathetic for those around me, though. Amazing as it seems to some people, but I can feel more than one thing at a time. I can be happy for my fiance’ and myself, and still send condolences to my friends. After all, it’s not like those wedding planners come with a caveat: “Make sure you anticipate the world going into lock-down and plan accordingly.” No one thought about this over a year ago, thought this was going to be a possibility. They were just happy.

And the universe is a sick, twisted entity.

We all know that NOW. (So if you get engaged during this lock-down – think long and hard before planning a big wedding. I’m just saying) Besides, I’m not in the clear yet. Guess when that second wave is getting predicted for: yup, November.

Panicking sounds fun, and I’m really good at it, but it won’t accomplish anything. And, as I said before, we’re already ahead of the game. Which means we’ve also started the Back-up Plan. We know – from current complaints and articles – the company renting the beach house won’t refund our money or let us out of our contract. Okay – no biggie; maybe we just have the family out for the wedding. It’s a BIG house, so staying separated won’t be a problem. And, really, who doesn’t like cake?

Will it be what we originally planned? Probably not. Does it matter? No. If all that mattered was the wedding, you’re getting married for the wrong reason.

So for the people who are planning and excited – good for you. For the people who cancelled or rescheduled and feel sad or miserable (or pissed) – I see you, too, and I feel for you. There’s no wrong way to feel, and that’s what really matters.