Plague Planning

Plague Planning

My wedding planning notebooks

“And your plague policy is…?” With just about three months to go, we find ourselves asking that question more and more often. Not a question I ever anticipated coming out of my mouth. Certainly didn’t expect to utter it behind a mask (a really cute mask, but that’s beside the point). NEVER thought I’d ask the question in regards to my wedding. (Thanks a lot 2020)

In case you couldn’t tell, I’m organized. (Yes, I realize that word isn’t strong enough, but I’ve yet to encounter a word that encapsulates my actual state of mind) I read through every word of my wedding planner, which I bought the same week I got engaged. There weren’t enough tabs to my liking, so I added more (if you can’t find something in the binder, you’re not looking). My Pinterest boards are carefully broken down into every aspect of the wedding. I have white board calendars for tracking appointments, with additional color-coded check boxes for what needs accomplishing. The calendars went up a year prior to the wedding date.

Someone forgot to tell me to plan for PLAGUES.

In all of the advisories, warnings, and extra suggestions, nowhere does it mention pandemics. COVID-19 threw off my schedule, prompted an insert for the invitations, caused me to orchestra Plans B-Z (just in case), and led us to cancel our honeymoon (for the time being). We inserted that plague question into our interviews (once the state reopened and interviews were possible yet again). We recognized that our already small wedding might dwindle to just family. And we learned gratitude for every small business that smiled, laughed, and assured us they understood.

No one expects the plague.

Before, getting my fiance’s suit wouldn’t have been a problem. Now, setting foot in the mall took grit, nerves, and a lot of hand sanitizer. Neither of us have done so in MONTHS. We know people don’t listen to the state order for masks. We have no idea what people do on their own time, if they follow social distancing or not. The number of cases in our area is climbing. Even avoiding the mall proper and sticking to the store in question didn’t make us feel safe. But the suit wasn’t going to buy itself. Something that was supposed to be fun and involve laughter felt akin to a military operation.

(Mission accomplished, by the way)

I watch the days trickle away. I should be excited, and some days I am. Other days, I want to hide. I re-read the inset I wrote for the invitation and imagine everyone declining to attend. I fret over coordinating so many Zoom attendees. I look at the bins under the bed in the guest room, filled with favors and table decorations, and my depression asks why I bothered (not that they’re returnable at this point). I open my binder and look at the confirmed cancellation of our honeymoon cruise.

This virus stole away the joy from the event.

Then I remind myself that the wedding is STILL happening. I’m still marrying the most important person in my life. That cruise will happen eventually. I flip through my list of music to play throughout the ceremony and reception. I think about the beautiful cake and the thought I put into the decorations. I look at the pattern for my dress and all of the accessories. I glance through the images of the beach house and remind myself our families will be there.

What else do I need?

Yeah, COVID-19 sucks. It’s ruined a lot of 2020, and I have no doubt it isn’t finished with all of us. I can either focus on the fact that it made my wedding difficult, or I can choose to look at it that, years from now, I’ll look back and say, “Remember how we got married during the plague?”

One definitely makes for a better story.

Wedding Guilt

Wedding Guilt

Our wedding planning calendar for June

In a little under six months – November 14th, to be precise – is our wedding day. It sounds like a lot of time, plenty of time to finish up the details yet to be finalized and checked off the list in the binder currently living on the coffee table shelf. When I first bought the whiteboard calendars and set up a reasonable schedule for tasks, I thought so, too.

Enter COVID-19.

See all of those check boxes at the bottom of June? Yeah, some of those are carryovers from April: tasks we had to bump when doors were slammed shut. While we’ve been able to move some things up and handle them online (where would we be without Etsy?), others require physical visits and shifts in the schedule, waiting for lock-down to lift. Now, being the hyper-organized individual that I am, the schedule was already “early” to account for a fiance’ who hates getting on the phone, talking to people, and has a schedule less flexible than mine. Plus, I come from a military family – you always build in extra time for Murphy’s Law.

So I told myself to breathe and take it easy – there was still time. And, really, we’re doing fine. We had the bulk of the planning done before the New Year, and there are tubs of favors and decorations under the bed in the guest room, all ready to go. Neither of us wanted to stress about the wedding from the beginning, so we made sure we had the game plan laid out from square one (okay, square two – I didn’t scare him with my Pinterest boards until the day after he proposed). We’re okay.

And then I felt like shit.

Why was I feeling okay and relaxing when so many other people were cancelling or rescheduling their weddings? When people were losing money because asshole corporations were flipping them off with a, “Too bad – your contract doesn’t cover plagues” answer? When people were making do with quiet champagne toasts at home – maybe with bouquets left on their porch if friends and neighbors dropped by? (What would the world do if alcohol wasn’t deemed essential?) When people were taking photos with everyone in masks – such a treasured memory? (Now, if you went with the zombie apocalypse theme, I apologize – it worked)

I wanted to crawl into a corner and hide. I was smiling over receiving my beautiful shoes in the mail, laughing over choosing the comics to include in the origami bouquets and boutonnieres, grinning over finally ordering our wedding bands, and shrieking over how adorable our cake toppers were. (Okay, to be fair, those last arrived before lock-down ever started) What kind of person did that when other people were miserable and crying? Who feels excited and plans when other people watch significant dates pass in the rear view mirror? (Our date isn’t significant, in case you wondered)

Oh, right – a bride.

See, I never went to prom. In fact, I’ve never attended a formal event of any kind in my entire life. This wedding is the fanciest thing I’ve got. And a wedding is a one-shot deal. (Don’t quote divorce numbers to me – I know them. I’m an idealist…well, when it comes to marriage. I’m definitely only doing this one). Why shouldn’t I be happy and excited and continue with my planning?

It doesn’t mean I can’t still feel bad and sympathetic for those around me, though. Amazing as it seems to some people, but I can feel more than one thing at a time. I can be happy for my fiance’ and myself, and still send condolences to my friends. After all, it’s not like those wedding planners come with a caveat: “Make sure you anticipate the world going into lock-down and plan accordingly.” No one thought about this over a year ago, thought this was going to be a possibility. They were just happy.

And the universe is a sick, twisted entity.

We all know that NOW. (So if you get engaged during this lock-down – think long and hard before planning a big wedding. I’m just saying) Besides, I’m not in the clear yet. Guess when that second wave is getting predicted for: yup, November.

Panicking sounds fun, and I’m really good at it, but it won’t accomplish anything. And, as I said before, we’re already ahead of the game. Which means we’ve also started the Back-up Plan. We know – from current complaints and articles – the company renting the beach house won’t refund our money or let us out of our contract. Okay – no biggie; maybe we just have the family out for the wedding. It’s a BIG house, so staying separated won’t be a problem. And, really, who doesn’t like cake?

Will it be what we originally planned? Probably not. Does it matter? No. If all that mattered was the wedding, you’re getting married for the wrong reason.

So for the people who are planning and excited – good for you. For the people who cancelled or rescheduled and feel sad or miserable (or pissed) – I see you, too, and I feel for you. There’s no wrong way to feel, and that’s what really matters.